Fear…it’s a scary sounding word.
When I look back and begin evaluating my life, I can see the role that fear has played on almost every level; relationships, jobs, health, romance, going after what I want, achieving my goals and dreams, etc.
Fear has led me down dark paths and through murky waters all while clouding my vision and slowing my progress. Fear has taken the shiny and joyful in my life and dimmed its light to nearly invisible. It has hindered me from doing the things I know I am capable of accomplishing.
In other words, I have let fear win far too many times.
My problems with fear stem back to when I was a little tyke. I can trace almost every instance of regret I have in my life to fear.
When I reached my thirties, I knew I needed to make some significant changes in the fear department – one of them being, I had to incorporate mental techniques that would allow me to see fear through different lenses.
The Tim Ferriss Connection
Years back, a college buddy of mine posted a quote from an entrepreneur and author named Tim Ferriss.
At the time, I had no clue who Tim Ferriss was or what his background encompassed. His name was foreign to me, and so was his work. After a few quick Google searches, I began reading up on this Tim Ferriss character. And I loved what I read. This guy was into everything, and I mean everything, that tickles my curiosity: meditation, entrepreneurship, blogging, podcasting, traveling, healthy foods, optimizing daily tasks, alternative medicines and healing techniques, psychology, business the list goes on and on.
After a while, I began to listen to Tim’s podcast (The Tim Ferriss Show – highly recommended!) and reading his books (The 4-Hour Workweek, Tribe Of Mentors, Tools Of Titans, to name a few). He quickly became one of my go-to gurus in the personal development department.
Tim approaches his craft with child-like curiosity and military-like discipline. As I started reading and listening to more of his work, I stumbled upon a TED Talks he gave on fear. My curiosity was peaked immediately. During this TED Talks, Tim delves into what he calls “Fear Setting,” which is a technique he uses to deal with situations that cause him fear.
Here is a breakdown of what it is and why it’s helpful.
What is Fear Setting?
Have you ever thought about starting a new business venture?
Or asking that person you have a crush on out on a date?
What stopped you?
The answer is always a derivative of fear.
Tim suggests that instead of defining our goals, like most people seem to do, we should be defining our fears since fear is the enemy that usually holds people back from accomplishing their goals.
In other words, to conquer your fears, you need to define them.
The first thing you need to do is write down whatever it is you are thinking about doing.
For example, you might want to ask your boss at work for a raise. You feel that you’ve earned it but have put off talking to your boss about it out of fear.
I call this the “What if” statement.
So you write down, “What if I asked my boss for a raise?”
Now, this is where the fun begins.
THE PAGES
After you have your “what if” statement, you’ll want create three separate pages with the following:
Page 1:
Make the three lists below with 10 to 20 different answers for each.
• Define — What are the worst things that could happen?
• Prevent — How do I prevent each from happening?
• Repair — If the worst happens, how can I fix it?
Page 2:
What might be the benefits of an attempt or a partial success? What new skills would you learn? What new relationships might you form?
Page 3:
What are the costs of inaction? Or in other words, if I avoid doing this, what will I be missing out on? A fun new adventure? A better paying job? A more satisfying relationship?
Think in terms of six months, one year, and three years from now for both the second and third pages.
After you have completed all three pages, you’ll have the ammunition to make a more informed decision moving forward!
QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF AFTER YOU’VE COMPLETED THE PAGES
- What is the absolute worst thing that could happen if you did what you said you were going to do? What is the nightmare outcome? Be as detailed as possible. On a scale of 1-10, one being the nightmare scenario and 10 being the best-case scenario, rank each outcome.
- How would you repair the damage if the worst-case scenario happened (both temporary and permanent)?
- What are the outcomes, benefits, and more probable scenarios (both temporary and permanent)? Have less intelligent and less motivated people been successful at this before? On a scale of 1-10, rank the benefits and most probable outcomes.
- If you were fired from your job today, what would you do to regain financial control of your life? Go back and run this scenario through questions 1-3.
- What are you putting off in your life out of fear? Tim is big on the thought that what we fear most is what we need to be doing. Think about this and apply it to your life.
- What is not doing the thing you want to do costing you? In other words, what is the cost of inaction? This cost could be financially, mentally, emotionally, physically, etc. Many times we avoid short term pain only to lose out on long term gain. If I told you that by doing what you want to do you could make a mistake, but it likely wouldn’t be one you couldn’t correct, would you still do it? And conversely, by not doing what you want to do, you would be missing out on major potential long term gain, would you still do it?
- What are you waiting for to make your move? We all make excuses, “Now is not a good time” is a big one for me, or “I’ll wait until I am more confident,” or “Until I have (insert whatever).” The truth is that there is usually no better time than the present. We aren’t guaranteed tomorrow, so make the most of today, and don’t worry if the timing is perfect.
IN REVIEW
Fear setting is defining your fears instead of your goals. Take some time at least once every few months and make a list of your fears. Use the fear setting technique to train yourself to look at fear through a different lens. Once you take power away from fear, it no longer controls your life.
One last thing to help – here is a link to the Fear Setting Templates.
You can also visit Upplifter.com for more information on personal development related materials.
Now go out and define your fears and then watch as you start conquering them!
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